did you try turning it off and on again?
This is my emotional scrapbook project. I've catalogued twenty different emotions that are relevant to my experience. Though I'm not pursuing a BSW or anything of the sort, I've made an effort to choose emotions relevant to various aspects of my life.
You may use the arrow keys or J and K to scroll through various emotions.
def. A reckoning with the infinite potential of our reality that spirals into an unhealthy apprehension. Mere uncertainty takes hold of my mind at this stage.
note. This feels like it's been my default state of mind for the past while. And it's difficult to reckon the healthy kind of anxiety with the show-stopping kind.
def. An attempt to grasp at the uncertainty of reality by maintaining absolute control of one's reality. In actuality, this isn't the case–it's a denial of the idea that we can't fully control our realities.
def. The understanding that I messed up. In reaching for my values, I fall short.
def. More than guilt, this is the understanding that I myself am messed up. Shame is the arm borne by a society that lacks the ability to deal with a difficult situation.
note. For me, shame and guilt were so deeply interlinked that my prior experiences in therapy focused on separating the two. It's important to recognize that guilt isn't inherently a negative thing nor is it the same as shame: it's a tool to recognize when we aren't reaching for our values.
def. Holding space for two (or more) ideas in my head that are incongruent with each other. And not only doing so, but taking note of that incongruency and being uncomfortable with it.
note. "I'm not doing enough" and "I'm working too much" live on in my head at the same time. Or "Everyone deserves love except for me." The recognition of these ideas floating in my head is a certain form of torture
def. The loftiest of these are values and ideals that I'd like to reach for. On a more grounded level, they're visions of what is to come and what is to be done.
note. Defining what expectations are is important before we move on to the next few emotions that I'd like to define.
def. When expectations fail to be met.
note. In a healthy environment, disappointment tends to scale to the expectation–more grandiose expectations failing to be met should lead to a more deeply felt disappointment.
def. A mutation of anxiety—awaiting an event that I'm certain will have a negative outcome. Essentially, negative expectations.
note.
As Brené Brown said, dealing with dread is draining. I too feel called out when I read about it.
Additionally, whenever I see the word, all I can think about is burning it.
def. An unwillingness to be open about myself. Fuelled by shame and a desire to not be seen as "vulnerable".
note. It took quite a bit for me to push through and add that link in the notes for dread. I reckon that I'm not as insecure as I thought myself to be?
def. A dichotomoy that you'd understand to be contradictory, but are complementary in actuality. Like yin and yang.
note. Virtually all of the emotions I've listed before this one come with negative connotations, but they must be so that I can further comprehend the positive ones.
def. Seeing the world not as a place to be conquered, but as a boundless well of experiences to revel in and lessons to learn. Seeing myself as someone who's got so much ground to cover.
note. Continuing from the Greek associations elaborated on in Atlas of the Heart, humility can be summed up with another Greek maxim: Know thyself.
def. "I trust you." "I understand." "I'm so happy to see you." "Welcome home!" "It's okay to not be okay. You're safe with me."
note. Love comes in so many forms that I felt that it would be better to include things that were said to me (or by me) in the definition of love. And love can come in the most peculiar of places! One example is me breaking up with my partner recently–it was a blatant recognition that we were better off apart, and that I need to love myself enough to recognize that.
def. An opening in my mind, begging to have new knowledge poured in. An innate desire to learn more about the world around me.
note. I find myself reading a lot of wikis and documentation in an attempt to try to find out new things. I made this assignment a website because I was curious on how I could build a website in a certain way.
def. When you're hit with the small things in life. A nice drink. A completed quest. A squashed bug (in a programming project).
def. The saying, "it's over now." A bit of the burden we carry being lifted or removed. The ability to move on to the next thing.
def. Being in concert with one another. Taking on the burdens of others as if they were our own. Solidarity.
note. More of a reminder for myself, really, that: a) empathy is a two way street, and b) I can direct empathy towards myself
def. The foundation of positive human connections. An intentional use of space so that we can allow relationships to grow alongside ourselves.
note. In art, there's a concept of "negative space". I feel that boundaries form the negative space of human connection in a way. It's not obvious at first, but as negative space serves to frame the positive space of an art piece, boundaries frame the connections we make and allow them to shine further.
def. Human nature—the desire to be with others, to be together. The fabric that society is woven together by.
note. Minecraft's update that brought cross-platform play to the mix–the "Better Together" update–really says it best.
def. Throwing in the towel. A recognition that there's nothing left to do except let things be. And that's alright.
def. An antidote to shame. It's a firm look in the mirror with the full recognition that you still deserve empathy even when you're ashamed.
note. I deserve self-compassion, even when I mess up. And I mess up a ton.
def. Looking in the mirror and recognizing that the one staring back is you. And not only recognizing that, but finding joy in such a recognition. A light at the end of the tunnel where you've lost yourself in the dredge that life can be at times.
note. This one's not exactly from Atlas of the Heart, but I felt very strongly about including this!